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Nice story, I'm currently reading chapter 17, and up until now I really liked it a lot :)
Also, may I be so bold as to ask you to visit one of my stories?
By: miss sunflower on Thu, 06 October 2011 00:55:08
 
great work! i have only readthe first three chpters but i will be back for more
By: ben brown on Wed, 11 November 2009 06:41:02
 
I love the premise, something different in the fantasy genre, can't wait to see where you are heading with this!
By: Jennifer L Hart on Sat, 05 September 2009 22:39:33
 
I absolutely love it!!! I've only just started, but I have to agree with Faith; the Gothic element is very catchy. Nice work!!!
By: Annabelle  Annabelle is a Textnovel supporter  on Fri, 21 August 2009 17:51:42
 
Thanks for the constructive criticism, everyone! I know my writing needs work, so I'm taking everything to heart and editing every day. I'm so glad you're all enjoying it, too. I'm having a lot of fun writing it!
By: Allison Thomas on Fri, 21 August 2009 01:43:05
 
I liked the Gothic element. That caught my attention right away. I liked the line about the man being the way he is likely because he is British. Quirky.

Things perhaps to work on, would be to limit your usage of adverbs (words that end in ly) those are very "telling" instead of showing readers an active world. Delete them all if you can. They are also a sign of weaker writing. But good work and good luck!
By: Faith on Mon, 17 August 2009 20:22:10
 
What a great take on dragons! You're doing well with it. Try to tighten your sentences up some and break up your text so there's some white space on the page. Very nice opening!
By: Liane Gentry Skye on Thu, 13 August 2009 15:19:50
 
What a neat first chapter. Quite interesting! Formatting your chapter might make it easier for future readers. Nice work.
By: CandiWall on Thu, 13 August 2009 15:15:08
 
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