You know those nights, where you just lay there , its quiet in the house except the gentle hum of electrics and heating.

I stared at the ceiling and suddenly thought to myself is this really it? is this as far as my life goes now , im 30, married ,I have two little girls, a beautiful home in a lovely neighbourhood, I should be the happiest woman on earth right?

So why do I lay here on these nights and feel so un content? I sometimes say to myself, shut up Marielle! and stop being so ungrateful, but really , and i mean really, I cant help feeling something isnt right. Dont get me wrong, I love my husband Lloyd to pieces, hes never done a thing wrong to me in his life , He goes to work at 8 every morning , comes home at 6 in the evening, I take the girls to school and pick them up every day, without fail and have dinner on the table for when everyone gets home.

An onlooker would say, i had the 'Perfect' lifestyle.  I do now belive there is no such thing. All my life i had searched and tried to have a perfect life, now i had it, I had never felt so incomplete. The other mums at school would say, 'oh how I envy you Marielle,your so lucky' as much as this flatters me, I cant help but wonder why everyone else can see my luck and perfect life except me? Ever since I started feeling like this, I had no one to tell, I was ashamed, I felt like a spoilt brat creating problems for myself that didnt exsist,  Maybe I am?

I had been having this empty feeling for about 3 months ,until one evening when Lloyd was working a bit later then usual .. ....