Intro

Okay here are the bare facts. The ugly truth; I am a dog! I guess it could have been worse; I could have been born a cat. Now there’s a bad attitude and a waste of fur if ever I saw one. With dogs, you always know where you stand. Cats have a hidden agenda. Always appear like they couldn’t care less. Let me tell you this people! IT’S A FREAKIN’ BIG LIE!!!!!!!!!! CATS DO CARE!!! IF IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THEM, YOU PAY FOR IT BIG TIME!

 So here I am living with these animals that walk on two legs, they call themselves people, and humans. I don't know which they are, but they treat me pretty well. We all stay in this big box they call a house, in what they call the burbs, whatever that means. It's a great house; there are plenty of places to catch some Z’s. I get fed three meals a day and if I will do some crazy things like sit, or roll over, some tasty little treats. They let me out to do the dirty business, trust me, I don't want to ever do it in this thing they call a house anymore; they scold me if I do. Most days we walk to the park for what they call exercise; I think its fun just to get to smell all the new smells, sniffing to tell what friends have visited the area.

The two-legged female human is a real piece of work yells a lot; especially when I screw up. This happens often. Anyway, her name is Mary. She has nice human legs. I can’t tell you much more because that’s all I can see from down here. Mary not only complains about me; I have heard her gripe about Tom—her male companion, never being home to help. There are two smaller humans; Adam who looks to be about ten and Janet, the girl is three. The kids are cute for humans. I still think dogs are cuter, but I am biased. Adam is a good kid he plays ball with me in the grassy area behind the house. They call it a backyard—to me, it’s a small park. I liked Janet when she was confined to the highchair and the playpen. Right now she thinks I am a toy. Her favorite game is to grab me by the tail and drag me behind her. I really hope she outgrows this bit of fun.

They brought me here when I was just a golden haired fluffy pup. They called me Gus after three days of debating what I looked like. Adam said I looked like a Pete. Mary wanted to call me Bogie after some actor. Tom just called me dumb-ass. Janet looked at me and said Gus. It stuck. So here I am three years later, Gus the retreiver. Fetching don’t ya think?