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Mood: Disturbingly Amused
It has been quite some time since my last update, but then again, you already knew that.
Before I get into the overwhelming improvement on my life, I would like to state that I'm slightly intrigued by my gradual disintegration over the course of this journal.
I go from distraught to frustrated to this completely broken creature that yearns for a half life of a relationship, the acceptance of my wishes being wishful thinking leaking in at the end.
It is quite interesting on some sick and twisted level, but then again, being in a better place in my life lets me look at the low points with some tongue in cheek humor.
No matter how... unsettling it may seem to be from another's perspective, realize that I've lived through those problems and I'm only chastising my own weaknesses.
Moving on to better things, I must say I'm feeling more like myself then I have been in years. I've come to terms with the failing, nonexistent relationship that I’ve been struggling to let go of, finally seeing that friendship is the best he has to offer and the best for us.
As of February 14th, I am no longer single. And yes, as creepy middle school cliché as dating on Valentine’s Day is, it was not planned whatsoever. Regardless of that little fact, our compatibility is no small thing.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed by the way I write, I’m all about communication. I want to say exactly how I feel and have you understand where I’m coming from, no problems, no misunderstandings, just my words, my emotions and your understanding.
That’s a difficult thing to find.
At one time, I would say impossible, but I was proven wrong by this relationship. Pure energy and emotion. No pussyfooting around with uncertainty. His words are honest and direct, and his feelings sincere.
Any problem that may occur is destroyed before it has the chance to take root and suck the life out of the relationship. If a disagreement arises, it is discussed immediately unless it needs time for consideration.
It’s blissful for me, someone who thinks about a problem constantly until it is resolved. I feel freed, like I was in a cage and never knew it.
I spent so much time cutting myself apart, trying to fit in a life that I didn’t belong in. Now that I can finally see what I was missing, I can be me.
As difficult as the past four months have been, I’ve learned a lot and hope to use my experiences to help others. I’m back, after two years, I’m back.
I have found myself again.
