SOLSTICE
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Chapter 1:- [Elisabeth] The Tortured Heart
“Elise! Elise!! Come here, sit beside me,” called Regina’s gentle and beatific voice. She fluidly moved her perfect hands across the ivory keys of her piano. She played with ease, and comfort, and confidence. Her melody brought the whole house to silence and listen…listen to the music from an angel’s harp.
“Mommy, what are you playing?” I asked, with innocent curiosity.
“Beethoven’s Für Elise,” She whispered. “Soon, when you grow up, you’ll play an instrument too…”
“Really, Mommy? Then, I would love to play the piano!” I triumphantly exclaimed.
She laughed. Her pink lips pursed into a smile. “Of course. But playing the violin is good too…” She added.
“Violin? That’s daddy’s, am I right?”
“Yes. Your father is a magnificent violinist. Even better than me,” She answered and her calm smile vanished into a worried frown.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?”
And he stepped in, “Regina, it’s time.”
That man, my father…
“Come, Elisabeth, we won’t waste any time.” She said and carried me in her firm shoulders and ran towards the room on the end of the hall. It was the panic room.
“Mommy, it’s dark. Very dark and scary…” I sobbed.
“Don’t worry, Mommy’s with you…” She assured but her tone was overflowing with fear and sadness.
“Mommy please don’t leave me. Daddy is so strict. Daddy doesn’t love me.”
“Don’t talk silly. Now, you must go to sleep, and when you wake up, everything’s fine.” She whispered in between her sobs.
Then, she carried me again to her lap, and sang a lullaby. My lullaby, mother’s own composition, it was my favorite piece. She softly caressed me and I could feel drops of liquid coming from her. She was crying.
“Mommy, don’t cry.” I said.
“I am sorry, Elisabeth.” That’s what all she said. “When you wake up, you won’t see mommy anymore, do you understand? So, be strong, Elisabeth, be strong…”
She hugged me very tightly and I don’t know what was happening. I can’t see a thing.
But I felt this pain that hovered to every vein in my body. I was covered with it, and it slowly drifted, the crying ceased…everything stopped. I can only hear the soft beating from something I never heard before.
***
"Elise! Wake up! Snap out of it!" A trembling voice called out for me. I opened my eyes instantly and flexibly sat up straight. Silvia looked so vexed. Her eyes were full of discomfort and sympathy.
"Ugh. I had it again." I whispered. Tears flowed uncontrollably from my eyes. It was due to the shock.
"It's been ten years since that incident. It's been ten years when you started therapy, yet you still don't recover, huh?" She asked as she wipes my tears.
I answered her with my silence. Silvia is the only sibling I have. She takes care of me when my father, Simon, was not around. "Yeah. Therapy helps me manage it." I paused. "But even if it's just a bad dream, it was so vivid that I always fail to convince myself that it isn't real."
"I understand." That was all she said. Then there were loud footsteps headed towards my room. Simon barged into my room in a suit. "I came as fast as I can when Silvia called me. Are you okay, Elisabeth?"
"I'm fine now dad." I said with a shaky voice. "I don't want to sleep anymore because every time I do, the incident repeats itself in front of my eyes." I began to cry again. I felt Silvia leave the room. Dad dropped his bag and sat beside me on the bed. "I'll stay here until you fall asleep. It's midnight. You need rest."
It was the first time I felt Simon's compassion. Regina, my mother died of suicide. Her death left no clues that shall give reason to her untimely death. My maternal grandmother, Kiyo, is the worst of all my worries. She hated me so much to the point that she refers me to the "child that killed her daughter." Grandfather Anthony on the other hand never said anything to me for the past 10 years. In my sixteen years of existence, not a word was uttered from him which was addressed to me. My paternal grandparents, Carl and Rachel, mourned in the tranquility of the land of Circe--the place where I will live 2 days from now on.
Dad asked me to lie on his lap. I closed my eyes as he sings a lullaby. When he stopped, I heard him say the words that I deemed most touching. "You suffered so much, Elisabeth. There would come a time that you would be free of these burdens, my child."
I hope so. I want to experience normality. Therapy only aids a little. I was already in the verge of insanity but therapy only facilitates 'management' of my dwindling mental health. Circe, the cradle of my ancestry, will soon become my home, my refuge. However, I am not complacent of the fact that it could help me recover from the trauma that tormented me for years.
It is agonizing just to think of these things and their outcomes. My eyes might be close but my mind is in a state of disturbance and fear. There is nothing that cannot break. Everything of me is at risk. You're right father. There would come a time this tortured heart of mine would heal.
“Elise! Elise!! Come here, sit beside me,” called Regina’s gentle and beatific voice. She fluidly moved her perfect hands across the ivory keys of her piano. She played with ease, and comfort, and confidence. Her melody brought the whole house to silence and listen…listen to the music from an angel’s harp.
“Mommy, what are you playing?” I asked, with innocent curiosity.
“Beethoven’s Für Elise,” She whispered. “Soon, when you grow up, you’ll play an instrument too…”
“Really, Mommy? Then, I would love to play the piano!” I triumphantly exclaimed.
She laughed. Her pink lips pursed into a smile. “Of course. But playing the violin is good too…” She added.
“Violin? That’s daddy’s, am I right?”
“Yes. Your father is a magnificent violinist. Even better than me,” She answered and her calm smile vanished into a worried frown.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?”
And he stepped in, “Regina, it’s time.”
That man, my father…
“Come, Elisabeth, we won’t waste any time.” She said and carried me in her firm shoulders and ran towards the room on the end of the hall. It was the panic room.
“Mommy, it’s dark. Very dark and scary…” I sobbed.
“Don’t worry, Mommy’s with you…” She assured but her tone was overflowing with fear and sadness.
“Mommy please don’t leave me. Daddy is so strict. Daddy doesn’t love me.”
“Don’t talk silly. Now, you must go to sleep, and when you wake up, everything’s fine.” She whispered in between her sobs.
Then, she carried me again to her lap, and sang a lullaby. My lullaby, mother’s own composition, it was my favorite piece. She softly caressed me and I could feel drops of liquid coming from her. She was crying.
“Mommy, don’t cry.” I said.
“I am sorry, Elisabeth.” That’s what all she said. “When you wake up, you won’t see mommy anymore, do you understand? So, be strong, Elisabeth, be strong…”
She hugged me very tightly and I don’t know what was happening. I can’t see a thing.
But I felt this pain that hovered to every vein in my body. I was covered with it, and it slowly drifted, the crying ceased…everything stopped. I can only hear the soft beating from something I never heard before.
***
"Elise! Wake up! Snap out of it!" A trembling voice called out for me. I opened my eyes instantly and flexibly sat up straight. Silvia looked so vexed. Her eyes were full of discomfort and sympathy.
"Ugh. I had it again." I whispered. Tears flowed uncontrollably from my eyes. It was due to the shock.
"It's been ten years since that incident. It's been ten years when you started therapy, yet you still don't recover, huh?" She asked as she wipes my tears.
I answered her with my silence. Silvia is the only sibling I have. She takes care of me when my father, Simon, was not around. "Yeah. Therapy helps me manage it." I paused. "But even if it's just a bad dream, it was so vivid that I always fail to convince myself that it isn't real."
"I understand." That was all she said. Then there were loud footsteps headed towards my room. Simon barged into my room in a suit. "I came as fast as I can when Silvia called me. Are you okay, Elisabeth?"
"I'm fine now dad." I said with a shaky voice. "I don't want to sleep anymore because every time I do, the incident repeats itself in front of my eyes." I began to cry again. I felt Silvia leave the room. Dad dropped his bag and sat beside me on the bed. "I'll stay here until you fall asleep. It's midnight. You need rest."
It was the first time I felt Simon's compassion. Regina, my mother died of suicide. Her death left no clues that shall give reason to her untimely death. My maternal grandmother, Kiyo, is the worst of all my worries. She hated me so much to the point that she refers me to the "child that killed her daughter." Grandfather Anthony on the other hand never said anything to me for the past 10 years. In my sixteen years of existence, not a word was uttered from him which was addressed to me. My paternal grandparents, Carl and Rachel, mourned in the tranquility of the land of Circe--the place where I will live 2 days from now on.
Dad asked me to lie on his lap. I closed my eyes as he sings a lullaby. When he stopped, I heard him say the words that I deemed most touching. "You suffered so much, Elisabeth. There would come a time that you would be free of these burdens, my child."
I hope so. I want to experience normality. Therapy only aids a little. I was already in the verge of insanity but therapy only facilitates 'management' of my dwindling mental health. Circe, the cradle of my ancestry, will soon become my home, my refuge. However, I am not complacent of the fact that it could help me recover from the trauma that tormented me for years.
It is agonizing just to think of these things and their outcomes. My eyes might be close but my mind is in a state of disturbance and fear. There is nothing that cannot break. Everything of me is at risk. You're right father. There would come a time this tortured heart of mine would heal.
