Chapter 1:- Fighting No More
Some say that love is a desire. Others say love is a passion that you only have for only one person, and will only love that person for all their life. And then, it's also said, that love is hurtful, painful and sad, whether it's right or wrong, true or fake. But in the end, it's worth it, they say . . .

For me, love has been many things: love, lust, desire, passion, pain and warmth. But I'm yet to see the part of it that isn't pain, because the one I love doesn't love me back. Everything I have felt came with pain also, even with feeling the love I do and did have for her. Pain was still there, right from the very start. Because it hurts to know, we're meant to be, and yet, we aren't . . .
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Preface

As I merged from the forest, I looked up and caught her gaze. It had been so long since we had last seen one and other and here she was standing in front of what used to be my home, but that wasn't what surprised me. What surprised me was her appearance. She was more beautiful than I had ever seen her before – though she had always been beautiful within my eyes.

My eyes swept over her body as she realized it was me coming out of the forest, instead of one of the others. There were no rings on her fingers, only the usual ones she wore every day. My heart kept telling me to run up to her, hold her, kiss her and show her just what I was feeling, but my inner wolf told me to be wary, to be cautious.

She stood in disbelief and a bright smile came across her face as I was only a step away from her. "Bella," I murmured softly and almost silently. Why was she here, of all places?
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Fighting No More. . .

This Chapter Was Inspired by In Another Life – The Veronicas

Slowly I walked up to the cliffs of La Push. I wanted some peace and quiet, to be alone and work things out for myself for once. I didn't know what I was to do with Bella anymore. She was going to be a vampire, right or wrong, or she would be killed by the Volturi. She had already chosen Edward and the wedding wasn't far off. I understood what she felt for him, because, I felt just the same way for her, and it hurt like hell to know she may never be mine. I didn't know what to think, to say, to do, or feel anymore. I felt lost. That was all I felt, lost.

I hoped the cliffs would help with working things out. They seemed to calm me and clear my mind the most. The wind swept around me as I walked up the steep mountain to get to the top of the cliffs. I looked to the sky, seeing and feeling there was either a storm or snow was well on its way. I could feel it in the air that something was coming and it was coming fast. It was going to be one hell of storm, whatever kind it was. The sky was darker than I had seen it in a while.

It had only been two weeks since the fight with the new born vampires and the right side of my body was still half shattered. Carlisle said that it was safe for me to phase again, but I wasn't so sure about that with the occasional pain I felt while moving naturally. I guessed he knew what he was doing. At least I hoped he did. I was pretty sure I had been his first werewolf he had ever treated and that sort of made me nervous.

At the top of the cliffs, I looked down and out to the ocean, thinking deeply as I watched the violent waves clash against the cliffs over and over again. The water was acting to how the anger and frustration was coursing through me with each beat of my heart and moving through my veins. I felt like I was going to fade into the blackness of my inner wolf. I had felt that feeling ages ago, before he came back and Bella had taken that feeling away from me, and I was grateful that she had. But now it was back, and I didn't have her to take it away again. It was all a part of the feeling I had of being lost. I felt like I didn't know myself without her by my side. I felt like I was lost without her. I always did and always had. Ever since we were little, I had known her for. And I had loved her from the second I set my eyes on her. And that love only got stronger and stronger the older I got. It never disappeared, nor had I felt anything for any other girl I had met before. I just wished she felt the same way.

I glared down at the grass in between my fingers blindly as I thought about what to do. It wasn't just Bella I had to work things out with, but also the pack. I caught Sam often thinking that I should be the Alpha. But I didn't want to be the Alpha, or even anything apart of the pack. I just wanted to be me again. I often thought about giving up my inner wolf and living a human life again. Then maybe I wouldn't be bound to anyone if I imprinted or if I already had. I didn't want to imprint, I knew who I loved and cared for, and would for the rest of my life. And it was likely, if I imprinted on someone, I would be forever bound to them, whether they chose me or not. I couldn't and wouldn't have that happen again!

I didn't know what to do, but it seemed to be everything I had to work out was to do with Bella in some way. I was sure that she was my imprint and I knew, while ever I had her around and didn't get out and meet someone else, I would forever remain thinking she was just that . . . my imprint, my soul mate, that I couldn't have, all because of that leech. The very one who was going to suck the life out of her! I couldn't stand the thought! My hands started shaking, my jaw clenched. He was going to be the one who made her smile, made her day and also take her life away. Her heart beat which kept my own going. Her beautiful chocolate eyes I loved so much to stare into every time I saw her. Why would he want to take those things away, why? Why? I just didn't get it and it hurt so much that I didn't. I wanted to understand why she wanted to become one of them, but I never could wrap my head around it.

I had so much more to offer her than he did, too. I could have given her a full human or supernatural life. I could have given her a love that she could never have from that leech! Or any human for that matter . . . I just loved her that much. I could have given her a family, warmth, a heartbeat and true love without her having to give up anything, let alone her own life and I could have given her forever, too, if she wanted it.

It was all so confusing to me. Things just didn't make sense anymore. If she was my imprint, why was I second guessing it? Sam and the others never second guessed it when they imprinted. They knew right away what it was, and yet I didn't. . . How was that? I knew my feelings towards Bella, I knew just how I felt for her to know I would always love her, forever and always, but I still didn't know if she was my imprint or not. I just knew I loved her to end and that was just like an imprint, wasn't it?

There was a sudden shift in the wind and I detected a new presence. I looked over my shoulder to see Leah walking up the mountain in her human form. She knew I just wanted to be alone, that was why she had come. To taught me some more, like I needed it so badly. It was times like this I wished I were the Alpha, just to tell her and at times them, where to go! I wanted to be alone, that's it and I couldn't even ask for that much.

The second I saw her, I glared back down at the grass I was playing with while thinking, but she knew I had seen her. I just wished that she would leave me alone. That's all I wanted, to be alone to think to myself for once. It drove me crazy to not be able to think for myself in my wolf form. I always had these voices in my head, saying to do this like this and do that like that, when I just wanted it to myself and make my own choices and decisions.

She sat beside me, her arms wrapped around her legs while she looked out to the ocean. I thought after a moment of her staying silent, maybe she was up here for just the same reason as I was, but I thought that too soon.

"Just get over her Jacob. You know he's just going to kill her anyway."

I growled deeply at her comment. I looked to her darkly from the corner of my eye. I could feel my eyes had turned black from the pain she shot into me by just those few words. She looked to me when I growled and I noticed she had tensed at the sight of my eyes. Good. She knew I wasn't in a mood for her bitchiness. If I could get over her, I would have already. I wasn't the type to hang on to something that wasn't going to ever happen. But Bella was different.

"Well, once he kills her, neither of us will have anything to worry about, and then, I won't have to worry about gawking over her like I'm the one in love with her," she said so casually, like it was more of a matter of fact than anything else. I didn't care what she said or thought. It was none of her damn business, but her words still stung me to the core.

I growled again, deeper this time. The tremors started to rock through me again, but this time, it was like I hadn't felt them before. My hands turned into fists as I tried to control it. Her words had cut me more than I had ever felt before, because it was a strong possibility of him doing that – killing her. It wasn't the fact that she may not even be mine that hurt me the most now. It was the fact that I may not ever see her again, alive. I didn't care if she became a vampire. I didn't care that much anymore if she was his and not mine, as long as I could see her with some kind of life left within her. That was all I wanted from her. To see some kind of life left in her. But then, another thought came to me. Maybe she wouldn't want to be around me anymore once she's with him and turned. That stung too. I didn't want to think about it anymore.

My body had become to hurt with the tenseness I had put into it to control the tremors. My eyes closed with anger. I slowly started to calm down after a long while. My eyes reopened slowly, looking at Leah. She was smiling at me. My hands started to shake again with just seeing her smiling. She was really testing me. I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me. It was obvious she had wanted me to lose control, but if I had, she wouldn't have wished it to happen ever again. If I had lost control of myself, with just how much she had hurt me and pushed me, she wouldn't ever forget it. I wouldn't have been able to control myself, nor would I ever forgive myself for what I knew would have happened. But I still wanted to cut her deep emotionally, and I knew just the thing which would do the trick.

"If you think the way I feel about Bella is so hard for you to take, all because of you listening to my thoughts, try listening to your thoughts about Sam for once! Emily doesn't need the whole freaking pack after him too, as well as you!" I growled out. I watched her face turn with pain of my words. She took off running in a blur into the forest and before long I felt the shift in the air of her phasing and running.

The second I saw her face hurt, I wished I hadn't said those words to her. I knew just how much it hurt. I felt sorry for her, I did, but she had just pushed me too far that time. I wished she would stop. I understood just how she felt with Sam. I knew those feelings and yet she still pushed me to no end about it.

Her words echoed back into my head again and again. I grimaced at the images that kept coming to my mind. Him biting her, changing her and not being able to stop before . . . I shook my head, trying to stop the images, the video my own mind had made and wouldn't stop. At times I thought my mind had a mind of its own. It didn't listen to me when I needed it to most. Those images stung like hell. I felt like I had been jabbed in the heart.

I stood up, wanting to run, for my inner animal to take over me and deal with the emotions I was feeling. My inner wolf was stronger than I was. It didn't care so much for Bella, so the pain would dull down. But I couldn't phase now. Leah was running all because of the stupid things I had said to her and I didn't want to hear her thoughts, nor share mine. I hated the pack mind at times.

I started running for home as fast as I could in my human form. Just as I got to the house door, the first few drops of rain fell upon my back. It was like snow hitting a fire. The droplets of rain turned to steam the second it touched me. I went inside and saw two letters on the table, both addressed to me. I opened the top one first and knew the moment my eyes touched the hand writing who it was from. The hand writing was old and fancy. It was clear who had written it. I didn't even want to think of his name. He wasn't worthy of a name for what he was going to do to Bella.

Jacob,

For the things you have done, thank you. Thank you for mending her when I couldn't. Thank you for protecting her when I wasn't around. Thank you – for her – for everything.

Edward.

I kept myself calm while reading the note. A slight tremor went down my spine with reading it. I felt like he had just said 'ha ha I win, Edward.' And was rubbing it in all at the same time! He most have well have! I had only done those things for Bella, not for him. I wouldn't have done them for him, ever! My jaw clenched tightly as I picked up the other letter and started to read it. Its text was from a computer – it wasn't hand written at all. That was obvious. But with reading those two first lines, that was the letter which had finished me this time. It wasn't enough for him to just write out an 'I win' note, but to send the invitation of their wedding the same day; was just the topping on the cake for me.

My whole body shook as I read the invitation. It should have been me marrying her! It should have been us together! My free hand turned into a fist while I held the note. My hand was so tight I actually felt my own fingers cutting into my skin and my knuckles turning white. Blood rushed from my palm and dripped down onto the floor before I felt the wounds heal completely in a matter of seconds.

I heard my father enter the room and his concerned voice questioning me for what was wrong. My answer played over in my head and I flung open the door, struggling to get out of my shirt as I dropped the invite behind me along with my shirt. I heard my father shouting out my name, but I ignored him with letting my inner animal take over me. The rest of my clothes trailed behind me as I headed outside into the heavy rain and towards the forest. I phased and grimaced as pain shot through me from my right side with the shift, but I ignored it and kept on running as my thoughts ran wild as I ran faster through the almost darkness of night. The pain was better in this form. It wasn't so hard to deal with, but still, I had been cut straight to the heart this time.

Sorry Jake, Embry murmured into my head.

Slow down! Quil complained, trying to run to my side.

Just leave me alone! I snarled, pushing harder against the ground, running faster than I had ever before. I then felt my friends worry enter my head then. They knew I was really finished this time. I was so done. Beyond done! But, I hated seeing myself through my friends' eyes. I hated seeing their worry for me. I hated it the most out of all the wolf things.

Let him go, Sam ordered suddenly. I hadn't known he was there, but I should have. He was always there running with us. I felt both Embry and Quil stop and phase back by just the feeling of the air. It just left me and Sam then.

Thank you.

Come back when you can and want to, he thought, and with that, Sam disappeared too. I was finally alone, all alone, like I had been wanting for so long. It was so quiet that I could hear a deer gazing not far off from me. The ocean just over the rise, and the coo of the wind when it blew through my russet pelt as I put more distance between me and La Push. I wasn't coming back, not tomorrow, not next week, not ever. They would do better without me anyway, especially her. I was only hurting her more and more with been around, now she didn't have to worry about me anymore. We were both free now, to live our own lives without interference from one and other. I was done with my life. I was going to start a new, if I could, that is.

I kept on running, stopping at the top of the mountain. With the wind blowing through my coat, I looked over my shoulder to my land, before turning my back on it and my old life, running off into the far horizon before my eyes, leaving everything I had ever known behind.

Goodbye Bella. You're free now . . . My eyes closed while running as I thought of her for the last time, running harder into the heavy rain, allowing it to soak me to the bone. I couldn't hear anything else apart from the heavy rain hitting me and the ground around me as it came into contact with my paws. The rain was so heavy and cold. My body was cold and lifeless, with my inner animal taking me over completely. I couldn't and wouldn't fight for her anymore. It was over . . .