death became her
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Chapter 2:- There's a first for everything
The next few years came and went. I cant really even say that I was affected in any way. Of course I was, but it would take me many years to even realize this. Lets fast forward to 1994 when I was 14. I was always a shy child. I was told that I didnt begin speaking until I turned 5. I grew up in a pretty wholesome neighborhood that started to change dramatically by my teenage years. I went away to a "magnet" school to avoid going to JFK junior high, which was appropriately called jail for kids. A magnet school is basically a school in a pretty bad neighborhood that would offer special programs like theater and music to attract the "white kids." They did this because there were no white kids at the school, and they needed someway to balance it out. Back then, I didnt know this was the purpose of a magnet program. I just assumed I was talented and special enough to get into this school.
So i took a bus everyday to Norland Middle School. It was a pretty rough school. I found that I had a hard time connecting with the people I went to school with. I thought all the people in my department were obnoxious. Apparently they all deemed themselves special as well. Theater people seem to be their own breed of humans altogether. I drowned myself in the ridiculous amount of work we were given. I even stepped outside of the box and participated in plays, and joined the mime troupe. It was around this time that I became totally disenchanted with school altogether. From kindergarten until 6th grade I was at the same elementary school and made straight A's, and was a member of every possible club I could join. At Norland, however, after the first year, I basically did the bare minimum required to get by.
So this was around the time that junior high schools started to become middle schools. When I finally left Norland, I had no choice but to attend my 9th grade year at JFK...the entire reason i went to Norland to begin with. The few friends I had from Greynolds Park, which was my amazing elementary school all got to go to HIghland Oaks during this time. They all got to stay together and grow together and make all kinds of new connections and friends. I was sort of just left behind. It was my 9th grade year that my mom decided to buy a house in Hollywood, which was out of the the district. I basically suffered through this year at school with no friends besides 1. Her name was Jaimee also.
Jaimee and her family were all pretty crazy . Her mother was a stripper. I used to have to go to her house after school until my mom was able to pick me up a few hours later. I guess I clung to her because I had no one else. Her mom would go into a rage almost daily over everything. I was not allowed to eat anything in their house. Her mom would have us take apart roaches and help her roll new joints. She told us stories about about putting fiberglass into other strippers thongs, and of her many adventures involving drug addicts and other derelects. Its amazing what we will embrace when there is nothing else. Aside from her mother being insane, Jaimee wasn't also not right in many ways. She used to tell me stories about how she'd meet up with neighborhood boys and give them blow jobs. She was obsessed with being better than everyone else and voiced it quite often. She would spend her days telling me how pretty she was and how her hair was soft and how mine was all frizzy. How she did situps everyday to get such a flat stomach. How she had long gorgeous legs and I only had short legs. How all the boys just loved her because she was just so pretty and tall and how I would never get any boys because I was so short. I dont think she ever meant to belittle me...I think it was just one of her many personality flaws to make her feel better about herself.
One day after school, she and I made our way into Peaches...which was a cd store that was a few blocks away from the school. We were too young to have any money besides what we got as allowance from our parents. But we went just to have something to do for a few hours. At this age, I was still extremely far from having any sort of personality or style of my own. Back in the early 90's, grunge was the big thing, and I dressed the part. Because I liked it? Probably not. But at the time, it was what was considered cool. We were wandering the aisles, pointing out what we thought was cool based on the covers of the albums. I had picked up a Rancid cd, because there was a song by them on MTV that I liked. A few moments later, we both noticed a guy who came into the store. He looked a little older than us, but we thought he was super cute. He had on ripped navy blue courderoy pants, a long sleeved white shirt with a black Kurt Cobain t-shirt on top of it. He was also wearing black converse one-star sneakers, that were exactly the same ones that I had on and wore daily. He was carrying a bright orange messenger back with patches of bands I had yet to hear of across his shoulders. He had his brown hair cut short, with long, bleached blond bangs hanging freely in the front. He really was the most unique, interesting and attractive person I had seen in my entire life. He was nothing like anyone I had ever seen before.
I had never even spoken to a boy before. I had no idea how to flirt or anything like that. We decided the best way to approach him was to bring up the fact that we had the same shoes on. And it worked. He started talking to us, and saw me holding the rancid cd, and said how he loved that band. It was so exciting in ways I never even knew existed. He said his name was "cheddar." I learned later on that his real name was Eric. I cant even recall why he called himself that. So he wasnt really doing anything important and decided to come with us down the road to this place called deco dermots. It was a vintage store that had jeans piled from floor to ceiling, completely unorganized. They had halloween costumes, and sold bell-bottoms, and had all sorts of random dusty accessories. To remember the topics of conversation at this point is useless. I was so nervous and excited, it didnt really matter what he said. Although, i was still under the impression that he liked Jaimee....i mean, she WAS the pretty one with the long legs and pretty hair. I was still excited just at the fact that this totally hot, stylish guy wanted to be our friend. He asked us for our phone numbers before we left and that was that.
She went on and on for many hours about how she know he liked her. He did spend most of the time there talking to her. I hadnt even considered the possibility of him liking me. I got picked up from her house by my mom at the usual time, and had nothing but him on my mind to an almost painful degree. A few hours after arriving home the phone rang. This was the time before cell phones and caller ID. I heard my mom call me and say I had a phone call. I asked who it was and she said "some guy."
The next few years came and went. I cant really even say that I was affected in any way. Of course I was, but it would take me many years to even realize this. Lets fast forward to 1994 when I was 14. I was always a shy child. I was told that I didnt begin speaking until I turned 5. I grew up in a pretty wholesome neighborhood that started to change dramatically by my teenage years. I went away to a "magnet" school to avoid going to JFK junior high, which was appropriately called jail for kids. A magnet school is basically a school in a pretty bad neighborhood that would offer special programs like theater and music to attract the "white kids." They did this because there were no white kids at the school, and they needed someway to balance it out. Back then, I didnt know this was the purpose of a magnet program. I just assumed I was talented and special enough to get into this school.
So i took a bus everyday to Norland Middle School. It was a pretty rough school. I found that I had a hard time connecting with the people I went to school with. I thought all the people in my department were obnoxious. Apparently they all deemed themselves special as well. Theater people seem to be their own breed of humans altogether. I drowned myself in the ridiculous amount of work we were given. I even stepped outside of the box and participated in plays, and joined the mime troupe. It was around this time that I became totally disenchanted with school altogether. From kindergarten until 6th grade I was at the same elementary school and made straight A's, and was a member of every possible club I could join. At Norland, however, after the first year, I basically did the bare minimum required to get by.
So this was around the time that junior high schools started to become middle schools. When I finally left Norland, I had no choice but to attend my 9th grade year at JFK...the entire reason i went to Norland to begin with. The few friends I had from Greynolds Park, which was my amazing elementary school all got to go to HIghland Oaks during this time. They all got to stay together and grow together and make all kinds of new connections and friends. I was sort of just left behind. It was my 9th grade year that my mom decided to buy a house in Hollywood, which was out of the the district. I basically suffered through this year at school with no friends besides 1. Her name was Jaimee also.
Jaimee and her family were all pretty crazy . Her mother was a stripper. I used to have to go to her house after school until my mom was able to pick me up a few hours later. I guess I clung to her because I had no one else. Her mom would go into a rage almost daily over everything. I was not allowed to eat anything in their house. Her mom would have us take apart roaches and help her roll new joints. She told us stories about about putting fiberglass into other strippers thongs, and of her many adventures involving drug addicts and other derelects. Its amazing what we will embrace when there is nothing else. Aside from her mother being insane, Jaimee wasn't also not right in many ways. She used to tell me stories about how she'd meet up with neighborhood boys and give them blow jobs. She was obsessed with being better than everyone else and voiced it quite often. She would spend her days telling me how pretty she was and how her hair was soft and how mine was all frizzy. How she did situps everyday to get such a flat stomach. How she had long gorgeous legs and I only had short legs. How all the boys just loved her because she was just so pretty and tall and how I would never get any boys because I was so short. I dont think she ever meant to belittle me...I think it was just one of her many personality flaws to make her feel better about herself.
One day after school, she and I made our way into Peaches...which was a cd store that was a few blocks away from the school. We were too young to have any money besides what we got as allowance from our parents. But we went just to have something to do for a few hours. At this age, I was still extremely far from having any sort of personality or style of my own. Back in the early 90's, grunge was the big thing, and I dressed the part. Because I liked it? Probably not. But at the time, it was what was considered cool. We were wandering the aisles, pointing out what we thought was cool based on the covers of the albums. I had picked up a Rancid cd, because there was a song by them on MTV that I liked. A few moments later, we both noticed a guy who came into the store. He looked a little older than us, but we thought he was super cute. He had on ripped navy blue courderoy pants, a long sleeved white shirt with a black Kurt Cobain t-shirt on top of it. He was also wearing black converse one-star sneakers, that were exactly the same ones that I had on and wore daily. He was carrying a bright orange messenger back with patches of bands I had yet to hear of across his shoulders. He had his brown hair cut short, with long, bleached blond bangs hanging freely in the front. He really was the most unique, interesting and attractive person I had seen in my entire life. He was nothing like anyone I had ever seen before.
I had never even spoken to a boy before. I had no idea how to flirt or anything like that. We decided the best way to approach him was to bring up the fact that we had the same shoes on. And it worked. He started talking to us, and saw me holding the rancid cd, and said how he loved that band. It was so exciting in ways I never even knew existed. He said his name was "cheddar." I learned later on that his real name was Eric. I cant even recall why he called himself that. So he wasnt really doing anything important and decided to come with us down the road to this place called deco dermots. It was a vintage store that had jeans piled from floor to ceiling, completely unorganized. They had halloween costumes, and sold bell-bottoms, and had all sorts of random dusty accessories. To remember the topics of conversation at this point is useless. I was so nervous and excited, it didnt really matter what he said. Although, i was still under the impression that he liked Jaimee....i mean, she WAS the pretty one with the long legs and pretty hair. I was still excited just at the fact that this totally hot, stylish guy wanted to be our friend. He asked us for our phone numbers before we left and that was that.
She went on and on for many hours about how she know he liked her. He did spend most of the time there talking to her. I hadnt even considered the possibility of him liking me. I got picked up from her house by my mom at the usual time, and had nothing but him on my mind to an almost painful degree. A few hours after arriving home the phone rang. This was the time before cell phones and caller ID. I heard my mom call me and say I had a phone call. I asked who it was and she said "some guy."
